


Hope: the sine qua non of human survival

by stardustandreams



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Gen, This was supposed to be romance at first, its ok friendship is cool too right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4205262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandreams/pseuds/stardustandreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean walks in on Armin when the latter is on the verge of giving up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope: the sine qua non of human survival

**Author's Note:**

> Look at what I'm doing instead of studying. I feel like Jean's speech is a little off and should probably fix that, but because I'm a lazy piece of shit I'm going to leave it like that, along with an apology. So, heh, sorry

Jean finds Armin alone in the mess hall, gingerly nursing a cup of water between trembling hands. He melts into the shadows for a bit, contemplating his approach. His indecision lies in his internal debate of whether or not one should be left alone to wallow in misery- for self reflection is crucial to acceptance and moving on, but loneliness serves no one. His heart aches as the memory of musical laughter threatens to shred his composure, and with Marco in mind, he steps out into the moonlight.

Armin stiffens when he hears footsteps, whipping his head around to seek out the intruder. When blank, blue eyes find Jean’s, Armin’s shoulders visibly relax, and he returns his gaze to his cup.

“You should head to bed.” Jean says quietly.

“Can’t sleep.” Armin mummers, and lifts the cup to his lips, hardly takes a sip before setting it down again.

“Eren’s going to be fine.” Armin closes his eyes, breathes in slowly. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, and shakes his head slowly, his blonde hair gently swishing, catching moonlight and making Jean’s heart thud softly. For a while they sit in silence, and Jean thinks that in hindsight, his pessimism is not what Armin needs. Armin is a realist, and in their world, that essentially means he probably has enough negativity of his own. “Everything is going to shit.”

“Everything has always been shit.” Jean offers lightly, and Armin’s lips quirk up slightly. He opens his eyes, and Jean expects to find unshed tears, but instead he’s faced with cold, hard bitterness.

“I don’t think we can fix this. Humanity is going to be wiped out.” Armin’s tone lacks grief or frustration or any kind of notable emotion. It’s matter-of-fact and Jean can’t even find sorrow in that.

“Life finds a way.” Jean says simply, because it is the appropriate response.

“Nature’s done with us. Our time is up.” Armin continues in the same, flat tone. The aura of defeat that hangs between them is immeasurable. Jean squashes the part of him that agrees with Armin. He _can’t_ agree with Armin. He must believe. He must _hope_. He thinks of Marco, the warmth that was his friendship, the dazzling brightness of his smile, his optimism, the lifeless glassy look in his eyes, his guts spilling out of his rotting corpse-

“Humanity will find a way. We will evolve. We’re a stubborn race.” He insists. Anything to stop that train of thought.

“We’re outmatched.”

“Not in wit.” 

“Wit withers against strength.” Armin spits, and it’s suddenly apparent that he’s reprised into self-loathing. Ah, jean thinks, therein lies the problem. The road to self acceptance isn’t easy. 

“Can wit not upgrade strength? You’ve come so far… Was that not the doing of your wit?” 

“I survived because of the sacrifices that other have made for me. That is the principle that rules what’s left of us. Those who have no family, no money, no chance at life; those who are weak and helpless are constantly sacrificed so those more fortunate can live. Survival of the fittest is nature’s biggest joke, and will be humanity’s ultimate downfall. It’s become an excuse for greed, selfishness, stupidity. It’s bred blind ignorance and-” Armin catches himself, his hands fluttering to his lips as if he cannot believe he’s voiced all that. Jean lets Armin’s wrath simmer between them for a while. 

“It’s good to let your feelings out like that. Bottling them up never helps” Armin shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak, but Jean isn’t done. “However, I do disagree with you. Yes, greed is humanity’s biggest, possibly fatal flaw. But there are those who transcend it- not necessarily the trainees, but they are amongst us. That bastard Jaeger is a good example. We aren’t just sacrificial lambs, Armin. We’re trained soldiers.” 

“And look how far that’s gotten us.” Armin scoffs. It’s almost surreal to see him like this- bitter, incandescent, _vulnerable_. “We’re just desperately extending an expiry date that’s bound to happen.” 

“So what? Give up? Extinction is part of life. But does it’s inevitability mean we should not fight it?” 

“It means that it is _pointless_.” 

“Armin-” 

“It means that it’s bound to happen and now it’s come knocking on our door so there is no sense in-” 

“In fighting for our lives? In hoping?” Armin looks away. 

“We are outmatched.” He says, finally. “What hope is there for humanity?” Jean hums. 

“Eren’s discovery is definitely a game changer.” 

“Eren’s discovery is as unreliable as it is bizarre. He might not even live to see the next day. Humanity’s greed might-” 

“And if he does?” 

 

“Survive?” 

 

“Yeah. If he does survive, does that not mean he has surpassed humanity’s greed.” 

“Sacrificial lamb, I believe you called it.” Armin tone is stubborn, and Jean sighs heavily. 

“So humanity decides to offer Eren up. But what if he does manage to wipe out the titans? What if that basement contains information that helps us put an end to this all? What if we survive and we win this war and we are freed from this cage?” 

“Hypothetical-” 

“That is hope, Armin. That is what we must hold on to. For even if the chance is miniscule, its very existence means we must strive towards it. It’s in our nature. That’s what makes us human. It’s what sets us apart from, say, cattle.” Armin looks up at that, meets Jean’s eye. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He concedes, softly, after what feels like an eternity. “I… thank you.” 

Jean takes Armin’s trembling hand into his own, squeezes lightly. 

“Don’t give up, Armin. We need you.” Armin nods. “If we… if we keep fighting we-” Jean’s voice cracks, and Armin looks at him, long and hard, and Jean has to look away from his piercing gaze. Which is why he’s surprised when Armin throws his arms around him, buries his face in his neck, clings on to him as if Jean were the only remaining link to his sanity.

 

And Jean hugs back because trained soldiers or not, even if now, in the face of death and the sting of loss, they are prepared to fight for their future, they’re still scared kids.

 

But at least there’s comfort in the fact that they’ll have each other.


End file.
